should this be considered a miracle?

please read the post i wrote earlier today around 10:00 a.m. then, read the post i'm writing now...
I wrote the previous post at 10:00ish am this morning, i had Aesthetics class at 3:15. What did we talk about? John Dewey's Art as Experience What passage did we read from it? Page 18, which states:

Most mortals are conscoius that a split often occurs between their present living and their past and future. Then the past hangs upon them like a burden; it invades the present with a sense of regret, of oppurtunities not used, and of consequences we wish undone. It rests upon the present as an oppression, instead of being a storehouse of resources by which to move confidently forward. But the live creature adopts its past; it can make friends with even its stupidities, using them as warnings that increase present wariness. Instead of trying ro live upon whatever may have been achieved in the past, it uses past successes to inform the present. Every living experience owes its richness to what Sanatyana well calls, "hushed reverberations." (footnote to this: "These familiar flowers, these well rememberd brid notes, this sky with its fitful brightness, these furrowed, grassy fields, each with a sort of personality given to it by the capricious hedge, such things as these are the mother tongue of our imagination, the language that is laden with all the subtle inextricable associations the fleeting hours of our childhood left behind them. Our delight in the sunshine on the deep-bladed grass today might be no more than the faint preception of wearied souls, if it were not for the sunshine and grass of far-off years, which still live in us and transform our preception into love- George Eliot in The Mill on the Floss.) "To the being fully alive, the future is not ominous but a promise; it surrounds the present as a halo. It consists of possibilities that are felt as a possesion of what is now and here. In life that is truly life, everything overlaps and merges. But all too often, we exist in apprehensions of what the future may bring, and are divided within ourselves. Even when not overanxious, we do not enjoy the present because we suboridnate that which is absent. Because of the frequency of the abandonment of the present to the past and future, the happy periods of an experience that is now complete because it absorbs into itself memories of the past and anticipations of the future, come to onstitute an esthetic ideal. Only when the past ceases to trouble and anticipations of the future are not perturbing is a being wholly united with his environment and therefore fully alive. Art celebrates with peculiar intensity the moments in which the past reenforces the present and in which the future is a quickening of what now is."

i wish

I wish it was easier to live in the moment. I really don't understand how that is possible. My whole life, all i think about is the future and the past and never the present. i hold on to the past like its a reality until i realize, the things in my past don't exist anymore and i've been living a lie. i just want the past to keep going and never die, because then i'll never live in a lie. the future messes me up vene more, in fact it makes me go insane. i think about all the possibilities of every situation and make myself crazy. there comes a point when you realize you have a certain amount of control in your life, and the rest is decided for you. i guess there's something wrong with me because i don't know when to take control and when to let fate decide everything for me. if we have the ability to control things, we should always control them. but if we have the ability to let go and let life run how it wants to, then we shouldnt take control. people say to take control of the things you can and let go of the things you can't but how do you know when you can control things and when you can't? i just don't understand.

my goal today is to try to live in the moment, i doubt it will work.

stupid stupid stupid

yes it is true i love music. i don't know many people who hate it. however, right now im angry at it. i'm learning in my aesthetics class about how some philosophers think lyrics have nothing to do with making you feel an emotion, and that the actual music is what makes you feel things. other philisophers think music doesn't have anything to do with emotion but artistic forms. I think that music conjurs up feelings in people because of lyrics and actual musical form. At least, i know this is true for me. I'm going to use John Mayer as an example because i love him. The song comfortable, the live version especially, makes me cry almost everytime i hear it. it's not only because of expereience that i can relate to the song, but the lyrics make my heart swell and the mucial tone makes it burst. then, there's his song, dreaming with a broken heart which, while the music itself is sad, the lyrics are really what gets me. it sucks to admit it, but at the moment i can't pinpoint a song that makes me feel something from its musical tone alone. But i know there are plenty out there. Don't worry, when i think of one, you'll be the first to know. For now, i'll just have to trust in third eye blind...
yeah,

the four right chords can make me cry

only a few thoughts today.

I'm pretty sure that when it's november 15th, it shouldnt feel like April 24th.
My birthday is April 24th so don't question me on what the weather is like on that day. I love my birthday, most people do. Parents usually tell you some interesting fact that happened when you were born like, it snowed 10 feet, someone was asassinated, something was invented etc.. My mom tells me that my birthday was the most beautiful day she has ever seen. haha. leave it to a mom to say that. But really I love my birthday. My birthstone is a diamond, I am a Taurus, and the numbers are 4/24. I like how those numbers look together. I think the numbers that look the best together are 42683. Call me crazy, but there are actually people who study numbers and their meanings. I saw it on a talk show once. This lady analyzed a couple's relationship based on their birthdays and their anniversary date. Apparently each number means something significant. Its obvious that this first blog entry is pointless and I am ranting about nothing. But I'm sure you have an image in your head of a really nice day. There's a lot of crap in my life right now, but there's a lot of good stuff too. Yeah, its my first entry and usually those are depressing and involve a lot of complaining. But for my first entry, I want to create the image of a really nice day. And I am happy.