i wish

I wish it was easier to live in the moment. I really don't understand how that is possible. My whole life, all i think about is the future and the past and never the present. i hold on to the past like its a reality until i realize, the things in my past don't exist anymore and i've been living a lie. i just want the past to keep going and never die, because then i'll never live in a lie. the future messes me up vene more, in fact it makes me go insane. i think about all the possibilities of every situation and make myself crazy. there comes a point when you realize you have a certain amount of control in your life, and the rest is decided for you. i guess there's something wrong with me because i don't know when to take control and when to let fate decide everything for me. if we have the ability to control things, we should always control them. but if we have the ability to let go and let life run how it wants to, then we shouldnt take control. people say to take control of the things you can and let go of the things you can't but how do you know when you can control things and when you can't? i just don't understand.

my goal today is to try to live in the moment, i doubt it will work.